Home Alone

For the first time ever, I’m home alone with the three kids.

I told the hubby to go ahead and go to Edmonton to work for two weeks. It didn’t seem so long back then, and it would really help his business, so I was encouraging.

Then it sunk in that he’d be leaving and I freaked out. I’d never been away from him for so long and he’d never been away from the kids so long. But we all make sacrifices in a marriage to help our partner out.

This was one way I could do that.

I’ve always thought myself incapable. Making decisions on my own, without consulting anyone, is still a challenge for me. I always second guess myself. To be fair, I’ve gotten better at trusting my instincts, but not having him around has taken away my mental safety net. Now it’s all on me.

It’s only been a few days, but so far, so good. Everyone is alive. The dogs are fine. My sanity is still intact. And his trip has already been successful, too.

So it seems all is good. Maybe I can do this after all.

I give myself very little credit. I don’t know if that’s a mom thing or a neurodivergent thing or something else, but I know it’s not a good thing. And I know others do this, too.

I’m starting to learn to not need to rely on others for validation. It’s still a process and a challenge, but an important skill to learn.

It’s something I’ll need to teach my children. To believe in themselves and trust themselves to know best. Listening to others and heeding advice is important, of course, but so is trusting yourself.

Being home solo with the kiddos is another time where survival mode takes centre stage. You want to eat just bread? Sure. Cookies for breakfast? Why not. Play video games most of the day? I guess so!

Whatever keeps us all happy right now, that’s what matters. Life is a lot of work, but we need to make it enjoyable so all that hard work is worth something in the end.


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