As you all know, we have three AuDHD kiddos and the hubby and I both are, as well. This makes just regular day-to-day activities challenging.
We have all three kids in extracurriculars on top of their autism services, like occupational and speech therapy. Our days are full and busy. So when we choose to do something, it needs to be worthwhile.
It needs to be worth us using up our “spoons.”
I’ll pause here and briefly explain what spoons are in the neurodivergent world. The above link has a great article to help really delve into the topic, but here let me just say being neurodivergent comes with fatigue. I only have a set number of spoons, or a set amount of mental capacity, to do certain things in any one day. Once they run out, I need to replenish them. I need to wash the spoons, so to speak.
Obviously, we have to live and, in so doing, spoons must be used. That’s fine. That’s life. But because we have a limited number of spoons, we must make sure whatever activities we partake in are worth using up our spoons on. Things that may be simple for neurotypical people require more energy, or spoons, for the neurodivergent person. So adding extra tasks or events to a day where my spoons are already limited is exhausting, mentally and physically.
Well, my kids need their various autism services, so we all have spoons for that. We make it work. Then let’s add in ringette and hockey. We make sure we keep spoons set aside for that, too.
However, now they want to change our ringette. They want to make our daughter’s team smaller, thus forcing her to leave friends she already made and coaches she’s bonded with. This will not go well for her. She doesn’t bond – or even listen – easily to new people. The biggest reason she loves ringette isn’t because of the sport, but because of who she’s with.
Children’s sports should not be like that. I’m frustrated and stressed. I feel unwelcome. I feel anxious about attending games or events.
But these sports we put our kids in are for them, not us. Right? I’m struggling to balance my feelings and anxieties and spoons-maintaining with what is actually best for my kids.
Running around three kids to different sports is an exhausting endeavour at the best of times. But now it doesn’t even feel worth it.
Do we keep them in a sports organization that seems to value numbers over players? Consistency in our lives is so important, yet here it seems to not matter. Her organization doesn’t care what’s really best for the children on the already formed team.
What do you all do when you feel your child’s sports organization is dropping the ball (or puck or ring)? Do you stick it out or move on? How do you balance your own sanity and well-being with your child’s need for sport?
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